i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
