oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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