Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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