i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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