I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
