I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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