Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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