Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize