Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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