ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
