hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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