why didn't you poke me back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize