No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
