i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
