Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
