You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize