i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
