his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
