dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
