the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
