There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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