god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
