So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize