Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
