Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
