wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
