Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
