I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
