I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
