I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
