I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
