honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
