so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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