Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
