Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
