it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
