i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize