last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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