We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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