he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize