Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
