dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
