my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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