so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
