when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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