And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
