I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
