we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
