i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
