I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
