They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
