apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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