I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
