went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
porn star boner night. come get it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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