Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
