All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
