Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
