Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
