carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
40s are totally the cure
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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