You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
