If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
