its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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