It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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