You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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