Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want nice things and good sex
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
