Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
