i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
