Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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