then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
